Get Used To It?

I guess I should get used to being alone and left out. Both with friends and family. Its sad, right? I just wish I can have fun with them all the time..

I wish I have a good friend by my side.. One I can talk to when I'm feeling down, but in the end, I'm still just a loner... I know you might think that I don't try hard enough, but I actually did tried to talk to them. I guess I just don't want to burden them with my problems. Another reason would probably because I'm afraid to hear the words "I don't care" or some other respond that sounds like they don't give a shit about your life. Maybe after I graduate from high school, I'll be able to find one. Even though they might not think that way, I'd still care about them : )

Then, maybe someday I wouldn't have to face my problems alone because I have somebody who supports me.

And no, I'm not emo - . - I'm far from thinking of killing myself. I know that killing myself means running away from my problems and I wouldn't have the guts to kill myself anyways.

I will get stronger : D Holding back the tears doesn't always mean you're strong either. Sometimes the person who's not afraid to show their tears are stronger.

Brave Song

The ending song to the anime Angel Beats... translated to English

Love the lyrics... makes me feel stronger when I feel down. Should've known this song a long time ago... But the past is in the past : )

Japanese:

itsumo hitori de aruiteta furikaeru to minna ha tooku

soredemo atashi ha aruita sore ga tsuyosa datta

mou nani mo kowaku nai sou tsubuyaite miseru

itsuka hito ha hitori ni natte omoide no naka ni ikiteku dake

kodoku sae aishi waratterareru you ni atashi ha tatakaun da

namida nante misenain da

itsumo hitori de aruiteta ikusaki ni ha gake ga matteta

soredemo atashi ha aruita tsuyosa no shoumei no tame

fukitsukeru tsuyoi kaze ase de SHATSU ga haritsuku

itsuka wasurete shimaeru nara ikiru koto sore ha tayasui mono

boukyaku no kanata he to ochiteiku nara sore ha nigeru koto darou

ikita imi sura kieru darou

kaze ha yagate naideta ase mo kawaite

onaka ga suitekita na nani ka attakke

nigiyaka na koe to tomo ni ii nioi ga yattekita

itsumo hitori de aruiteta minna ga matteita

itsuka hito ha hitori ni natte omoide no naka ni ikuteku dake

soredemo ii yasuraka na kono kimochi ha sore wo nakama to yobun da

itsuka minna to sugoshita hibi mo wasurete dokoka de ikiteru yo

sono toki ha mou tsuyoku nanka nai yo

futsuu no onnanoko no yowasa de namida wo kobosu yo

English:

I have always walked alone. When I looked back, everyone was faraway

Even so, I kept walking. That was my strength

"I'm not afraid of anything anymore", I muttered to myself

Everyone will be alone someday, living on in memories only

I fight so that I will be able to love and laugh despite of the loneliness

I won't show my tears

I have always walked alone. The cliff was waiting for me ahead

Even so, I kept walking, to prove my strength

The strong wind blew against me. My shirt stuck to me with sweat

If I can forget everything one day, being alive will be so easy

If I fall into the other side of oblivion, that means I am running away

Even the meaning of having lived will disappear

The wind had soon calmed down. My sweat had also dried out

I became hungry. What was that?

A nice smell came together with lively voices

I have always walked alone. Everyone was waiting

Everyone will be alone someday, living on in memories only

Even so, it's fine. I call this peaceful feeling my friend

Someday I will be living somewhere, with the memories of days spent with everyone left behind

At that time I won't be strong anymore

I will just be sobbing like a weak ordinary girl

Well I'm not always depressed... I try my best everyday to make the best of everything : )

Still very weak... Need to become stronger, more mature. I have a long way to go huh.. Lots of challenges to be encountered.

today..

today was a friday..which was good! on fridays we go home a bit earlier than the other school days. 

most of the students in my class came cause we were expecting a chemistry test that has been postponed twice, and now it has been postponed for the third time until friday. i'm fine with procrastinating but there is just one thing i'm worried about..will we get through the whole curriculum in time?

i should probably tell you ahead of time that i am studying the cambridge curriculum. last year we took the IGCSE test and the results are being sent back in the upcoming tuesday. i can't bear to look at my results because i never actually do good in tests and i think the results will not be very satisfying. in my point of view i think that i am the laziest person alive at the moment. i just..get distracted a lot xP i wonder what the results will be.. 

..intro

well this is the first post on the new blog, i might as well start off with an introduction..

i am a currently attending a public high school in indonesia. this is not my first blog but i have decided to make another new one cause..i'm bored

um well normally i blog cause i don't really have anyone who actually cares in listening to stories about my life -.-" i also blog when i have something to tell or show to the whole world through the world wide web. 

the reason why i don't put my real identity in the blog was because i don't want anyone i know to read it and make fun of it, which might be the reason why i shut down my last blog..

some people might say that my type of blogger has no life and i don't really blame them for saying it cause sometimes its true -_-" 

this blog is basically one of those blog where the writer just talks about themselves in the blog like a diary to spread in the internet. but i sometimes write things that can contain useful information, so just listen and linger ^.^